i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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