tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
