Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize