At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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