my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
