Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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