I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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