I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
