omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
