Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
