you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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