How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
