I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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