i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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