he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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