Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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