well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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