whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
