Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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