so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
