I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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