O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
