I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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