Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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