Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
