Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
