well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
