let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drunk is not a location!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
