Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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