Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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