FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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