Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
