i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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