Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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