I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
