he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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