So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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