Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
