evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
