I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
