when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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