Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
