Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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