ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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