ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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