kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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