So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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