I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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