my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
