I love black thongs
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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