Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
