you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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