Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
