i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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