we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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