I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize