So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
