how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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