My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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