Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
