I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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