I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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